maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
