Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
