I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
