Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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