i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Randomize
