I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
