Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
