just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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