I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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