so explain again why im purple
no
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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