actually, I'm a sock model
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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