Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize