the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
