she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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