he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
