duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize