I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
