Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
