i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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