Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
