My sheets look like a crime scene.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
