Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
