im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
