my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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