That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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