K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
