Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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