Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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