I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
