I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize