May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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