But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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