she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
