he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
dude. I can hear the air.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
