is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
