After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
