You don't have asthma, your pregnant
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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