wat bout pragnant strippers??
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
