puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
