What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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