Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
