He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
