Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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