tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize