Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
