True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
