i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
