As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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