she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
