I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
