I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
