My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I am one with the molecules
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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