I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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