I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
