I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
