I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
