Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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