Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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