Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
