U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
