she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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