if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
