My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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