apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
