i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
