areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
