i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
